On a Sunny Day, Rain.

Life experiences are additive as well as singular and in the moment. Some memories just walk with us. This one I wrote years ago, now. It was a year when Easter was early. The feeling, the experience, is still true; for me, it's likely one of those forever truths, part of the largesse of life that I carry at this time of year:

It's been many years— decades— since Mother's death. Easter three weeks past, Mother's Day coming soon, the earth is wild with new growth. I'm supposed to be done mourning. But it is her birthday.

I walk alone through steady rainfall, my shoulders squared and my chin tilted up, intentionally allowing the planes of my face to accept the full impact of each small hit. My brows protect my eyes, but the ping of water on my lashes where they extend causes me to blink rapidly, and finally I settle for arranging my face in a squint. The first overall effect of the rain had implied a steady fall. Now I sense the varied sizes and forces among the individual drops. They come at irregular intervals, unpredictable for any given moment and nerve ending. Some droplets feel minute and piercing, like needle pricks. Others feel plump and soothing as balm spreading, comforting as a goodnight kiss. Still others feel thick and sweet as a drop of held-up-and-laughing-baby's drool. The wetness gathers and chases in rivulets to drip off the end of my nose and the edge of my jaw. I touch my tongue to the wetness on my lips, and find it salty. It is then I realize my tears have joined the raindrops.

I feel a lonesome sadness as if it hangs above my right shoulder, as if it were a chasing shadow. I recognize but refuse to perpetuate its presence. Instead I focus on the even swing of my stride, the coordinated rhythm of inhalation - exhalation, and the clean, cool rain falling on my face. The air smells of turned earth, of musty rot, of lily-of-the-valley. Grasses bow down beside the road, obedient to the weight of collected water. Here are fragrant, creamy blossoms on a wild olive tree, so sweet and fleeting as I pass by.