Hello! I'm back. At least for today.

It was pure joy to have a week of such intimate time with my little granddaughter, the experience of this year old child. She climbed the stairs for the first time under my supervision, and did it with such eager joy. She stood on her own for a tentative moment for the first time while she and I were playing. And in my arms she saw a fawn still wobbly on its legs, it was that new, and identified it with her excited, "oof! oof!" because she identifies every four-legged creature as a dog.

We played and played and played and then, like her, I needed to rest, take a nap, have some food. I got to see her go to the window on her own initiative and ask for "Daddy?" without anyone having mentioned her daddy in the course of that day. And I got to see her back in her daddy's arms, after he returned from his travels, together again with both her most dearly beloveds, her parents.

Here at the end of May it's hot and humid with code orange/code red air-- suede-like air, thick, almost nappy-- and I'm so thankful for air conditioning. But I took my normal walk yesterday and this morning. Early, while it was still cool enough.

I walked with Giulia in the front pack while we were together, and now I miss being tummy-to-tummy with her, noticing what she notices while she's awake, feeling her soft and relaxed against me when she sleeps. Simultaneously, I am thankful to be so light-bodied and free.

Her empty blue swing seat with the red restraining bar, yellow harness straps and yellow rope looks forlorn and lonesome to me without her to sit in it. I will likely take the swing down, bring it in where it is protected from weathering, where I am not constantly reminded of her absence. I miss her, yes, yet also I am happy to be back to my own quieter routine.

How will I find myself changed by the variety of experiences just passed?

The Japanese honeysuckle that vines all around here in such an invasive, smothering way is also blooming everywhere right now, and has a sweet, sweet smell.